I Wish…

Al Gore would stop exhaling so much hot air.

Kiefer Sutherland would find true inner peace, but not as Jack Bauer

Anna Nicole Smith news stories would rest in peace

Britney Spears would take ten years off just to be a mom

Supreme Court Justices Souter and Breyer would lose their homes to eminent domain claims

Fox News would quit being the National Inquirer

CNN would do what Fox News used to do: Report real news, fair and balanced

Jack Cafferty were fired and Wolf Blitzer were forced to listen to Glenn Beck at length

Geraldo Rivera had five minutes in a room with Osama bin Laden

Christians would be a little more wary of Libertarianism

Education were an industry, like automobile manufacturing, so Honda and Toyota could give it a shot

School taxes were simply refunded instead of turned into vouchers

Liberals would actually study economics

Martin Mull sang more and joked less

Steve Allen were around to do both for a lot longer

Barbra Streisand would only sing

Alec Baldwin did silent movies

Senator Byrd would retire

Al Gore had received prison time (for treason) instead of an Oscar

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would admit that their antipathy for President Bush overwhelms their alleged patriotism

Madam Speaker Pelosi would stop pretending to be an All American grandma and simply acknowledge why she wins big in San Francisco

D.C. Republicans wouldn't have resorted to dirty politics trying to smear Ms. Pelosi after she won

John McCain would have repudiated Roe vs. Wade oh, say, in 1982, when he first ran for Congress

Mike Huckabee got the media attention given to McCain

Condi would run, with Huckabee as her running mate

Barack Obama wore an orange saffron robe, like the Dalai Lama, since it would better reflect his religious views. No, really—picture it!

Al Gore wore a propellor beanie to be reflect his scientific views

Obama had written "The Audacity of Illinois Democrats"

Larry King could interview Rush Limbaugh opposite the O'Reilly Factor

Jack Bauer could get a day off with his daughter and any other family members who aren't actually moles

Republicans had proven their integrity from 1994 onward (then again…they did)

President Clinton and Jesse Jackson had been judged by the same measure as New Gingrich's erstwhile successor, Bob Livingston

President Reagan's great intellect had been acknowledged by the media

Oral Roberts' integrity had been acknowledged by the same

Jimmy Carter would shut up and only build houses

Oprah would read the Gospel of John over and over, as necessary

There were a book entitled "Left Behind…For a Purpose"

Not the Hallmark Channel

My mom decided to watch NBC's hit "Heroes" with me the other night. She's 76 and coming up on her first wedding anniversary with husband, Wilkey, who is 82. Mom's never been much for sci-fi—Walker, Texas Ranger is more her speed—so I knew that flying politicians and time-bending Japanese tourists would be a stretch for her.

Heroes is typical of today's television: violent, dark, and definitely into the supernatural. This week's episode opened with a shot of the archvillain escaping from confinement, arrogantly laughing as he pulled an iron bolt from the back of his head (it had impaled him during the previous episode's struggle). With that Wilkey turned to mom and innocently delivered the funniest line of the year.

"This is not the Hallmark Channel, is it?" he intoned ever so sweetly.

I stifled a giant guffaw, and told mom I'd be happy to watch my show back in the bedroom, so the two newlyweds could continue their nightly routine of cuddling up together to watch movies with story lines as happy and magical as their own.

I enjoy Heroes, not to mention 24 (thank you TiVo), Monk, and The Office. But in a way I wish I didn't like them so much. I wish 24 shocked me…but my senses have been steadily dulled over the years. I wish The Office's occasional bawdy moments offended me…but in a world where cellphone talkers routinely and loudly pollute the air with language befitting a drunken sailor, I have developed my own internal mute button.

My career involves constant travel through bustling public venues, and if I were to liken it to a television channel, we'd be talking USA or Spike. But at least in one little condo in Bel Air, Maryland, life is indeed the Hallmark Channel.

Smart Cons and Neo-Cons

My blogging buddy, Kobayashi Maru, has begun a wonderful series fraught with his usual keen insights. Here's something I wrote to him in a letter earlier today…

Bravo Buddy! Here's a little more grist for your mill:

The various schemes of Liberalism (aka American socialism) are invariably based on feeling and—ostensibly—noble intent, rather than logic. If they are examined logically they fall apart at once. Thus conservatives see liberals as brainless, while liberals harp on conservatives as heartless. The really hard part for conservatives like me is to look at highly intelligent liberals like Schumer, Clinton, et al, and the way they stick with patently illogical proposals and programs. Knowing how smart they are, I find it impossible not to doubt their integrity.

My thirty years plus of travels throughout the Soviet Union and other socialist/communist nations have yielded not one encounter with a truly dedicated party member. To a man (or woman) they know that the only way to rise in power is to embrace corruption and make an unworkable system work for them. That's because socialism is simply unworkable, depending as it does upon the inherent nobility of man, rather than admitting to his selfish (and therefore sinful) nature. In other words, socialism is founded upon Adam's arrogance. It not only eats from the forbidden tree of moral autonomy (which is what the Edenic tree stood for), but proclaims it the People's Tree.

That is the arrogance displayed by the aforementioned leading Democrats. Simply put, they have to lie to an increasingly gullible electorate because their system, if presented honestly, would make them unelectable. The only alternative, then, would be subterfuge and revolution. (In our currently revolution-free society, the actual subterfuge—yea, treason—is being committed by the unelectable: The NY Times, LA Times, Washington Post, Al Gore, John Kerry, Jimmy Carter, and so-called "mainstream" television networks.)

The only dedicated communists/socialists I have ever met, KM, have been those who don't have to live under that system, but reside instead in free nations like America. And they are dedicated to their cause upon the basis of emotion rather than logic. This is why Hollywood, the crowd that jumps from one cuckold to the next, surrendering to adultery with every stirring of the loins, also flocks to the Left in their politics. They are slaves to their feelings.

Conservatives, as I said, are criticized as heartless, because we base political philosophy (e.g, economics and foreign relations) on logic and healthy tradition. But I emphasize that I'm talking about conservatives, not neo-conservatives. Indeed too many of the neo-cons of the past 12 years, as it turns out, were slaves to their own appetites, whether for bribes or congressional pages. That tawdry period, the wasting of a historic opportunity, instead has proven that emotion-based conservatism is as corrupt as emotion-based liberalism.

No essay here; just a few thoughts. Blessings to you friend.